


Faded Memories

by frek



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts Sixth Year, M/M, Memories, Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-08-19
Updated: 2003-08-19
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:39:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frek/pseuds/frek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry struggles through another Occlumency lesson, but this time, he has a lot more to hide</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faded Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first story I wrote in any fandom ever. I first wrote it for the Severus Snape Fuh-Q-Fest back in 2003. I'm not as happy with the end as I was then, but, I've decided to post it here anyway, just so all my stuff is still in one place.

Severus Snape paced the darkened Potions classroom, his robes swirling around his legs with every movement of his body. The disgusted scowl on his face was becoming more pronounced with each step he took across the room. Each time he reached one of the walls of the room, he'd turn on his heels, glance at his pocket watch and silently curse the sixth year for his inability to be punctual for his lessons. It was bad enough that he had to waste his time on the inconsiderate brat's lessons; he didn't want to squander it waiting for the boy too. He had already wasted much of last year trying to teach the stubborn boy the subtle art of mental defense, but to no avail, and so far this year, Harry showed little more aptitude for the technique.

After his twentieth trip across the room, Snape began imagining the trouble he could cause for the boy this week. If Harry was going to make him wait, then it was only fair that Snape make Harry suffer, at least he thought it was. He imagined what sort of thoughts he could pull from the boy's flimsy shields, what childhood embarrassments he could learn of, or what secret crush he could delve from Harry's own padded mind. Maybe he would learn a shocking truth that even the great and powerful Dumbledore didn't hold in his knowledge.

As Snape was about to complete what was to be his twenty-third journey across the classroom, the heavy wooden door flew open and a red-cheeked and wide-eyed Harry Potter rushed through the entrance. Snape stopped his pacing immediately, raising an eyebrow at the noisy entrance the boy had insisted upon. "Mr. Potter," Snape began, pulling his wand from his sleeve, where he kept it hidden, "Nice of you to join me this evening for _your_ lesson."

Harry seemed to be incapable of moving once he had come to a stop, with his eyes fixed on Snape and the flushness in his cheeks growing brighter by the moment. Snape didn't make a move to close the door or offer any welcome to the boy standing before him either. Instead he quickly strode across the room to his desk, taking a seat in his chair. Snape sat quietly, wondering what exactly was going on with Harry that he was acting so strangely. Thoughts of pranks and other childish revelries drifted through his head while he waited for Harry to speak. After several strangely quiet moments, his already thin patience broke; Snape let out an audible sigh and spoke aloud, "Mr. Potter, it would do you well to close the door from which you came and take your seat across from me immediately." He was relieved to see that Harry complied immediately.

\- - - - -

Harry quickly rushed to the heavy wooden door and pulled it shut, thoughts of his complete and total ability to be a prat when it mattered most flooding his brain. He had no clue what had happened to him when he entered the room. All he knew was that something about Snape had him transfixed to that spot. Harry made his way over to the chair across from Snape and quickly took his seat.

He watched as Snape straightened up and fixed his dark eyes on him. Harry felt a shiver down his spine as the professor sent him unpleasant looks. Snape looked angry, but then, to Harry, Snape always looked angry. Harry sat up, placing his hands in his lap, where his fingers began to tangle with each other in odd patterns. Harry stared down at his fingers, hoping to avoid any eye contact with Snape. After the dreams he had last night, the last thing he wanted was Snape's eyes on him, because the shivers going down his spine weren't the normal, dreadful ones he was accustomed to. Those eyes that should make him squirm with fear only flamed the embers of desire within him.

"Mr. Potter," Snape's silky voice broke Harry's thoughts, his head snapping up to look into those black eyes immediately.

"Yes, professor?" Harry said quietly, trying to find his voice.

"Would you care to explain why you have wasted 15 minutes of my life waiting on you?" Snape's voice was sharp and demanding, causing Harry to flinch at the tone.

Harry's mind started formulating an answer almost immediately, but his mouth wouldn't cooperate. "Qu-quidditch practice, sir. It ran over. They wouldn't let me leave early." Harry looked up from his hands once more, attempting to look the man in the eyes. They were just so deep and dark, Harry felt like he could get lost in them if he could bring himself to maintain eye contact.

"Let me remind you, Mr. Potter, that the recent reversal of your ban from Quidditch doesn't exclude you from your other duties. Need I also remind you that I am giving these lessons for your own benefit, your own protection. I have set aside my duties in order to help you. I expect some respect for the sacrifices I am making for you. The way things have been going, I haven't had an inkling of that from you."

Harry sighed. It was hard to respect somebody that you see naked nightly in your dreams. His eyes suddenly widened as an image of his thoughts flashed across his brain. He felt his cheeks grow hot as he attempted a guilt free look up at Snape. The image remained burned in his mind, though, and all he managed was a flitting glance. "I'm sorry sir," Harry finally said.

"Yes, well," Snape started, shifting papers on his desk, "We can't all be perfect now can we? Twenty points from Gryffindor for making me wait. And next time I expect you in my room on time."

Harry shook his head, letting out a long, slow sigh. He had no idea how he was going to get through the lesson today with the images he had dancing through his head. Snape was going to die of shock.

\- - - - -

Snape stood up and headed towards a large empty space in the middle of the room, motioning to Harry to do the same. He watched as the boy reluctantly moved from his seat, seemingly dragging his feet as he stepped across the room. Snape pulled his wand out once more, holding it at ready before speaking. "Mr. Potter, today as with every other day we've practiced this past two months, I'm going to try to penetrate your mind, and in turn you're going to try to push me out. You were unsuccessful last year at doing this, and so far this year, you've shown little improvement. I'd like to believe you a more capable wizard than that." He paused, watching the boy nervously fidget in front of him, his wand at ready. " _Legilimens_."

Immediately Snape felt something like a wall giving way as he probed his way into Harry's mind. He was quickly assaulted with various images from Harry's life. He saw Hermione unconscious, Dumbledore looking sad, a fat boy beating on Harry, Dementors coming down an alley, Sirius falling through the veil.

"NO!"

Severus felt a twitch in his wand hand as the boy finally overcame Snape's pushing. He held onto his wand tightly as Harry finally came to. "What did you do wrong?" He asked immediately after he saw the boy was able to hear him.

He watched Harry fidget once more with his wand, avoiding eye contact. "I let you get into my mind, sir," he said finally.

Snape nodded. "What do you need to do?" He asked, trying to get Harry to realize he needs to close his mind, board it up and not let anyone in.

"I need to close it all off," Harry said promptly, having gone over this skit several times before.

Snape nodded and lifted his wand once more. "Ready," he said slowly, watching Harry swallow and close his eyes, " _Legilimens_."

He felt the wall that Harry had put up within his mind right away. Snape allowed a faint smile to play on his lips before he attempted to push harder at the boy's defenses. He probed with his mind for a moment before finally feeling the wall crumble. The first image that hit him was a foggy view of himself, towering over Harry, scowling with anger. After penetrating the boy's outer defenses, Snape stiffened his resolve and was determined to probe farther into the dark recesses of Harry's mind. The scowling image of him began to change slowly as he pushed farther into something he didn't expect. Snape looked on with shock as his scowling self slowly transformed into a smiling, half naked version of himself. Snape vaguely saw Harry in front of him squirming with a look of dread on his face, but he was too immersed in this vision the boy had sent his way to really take much notice. He watched with sick fascination as his image took the boy in his arms and kissed him passionately and slowly began to pull the clothing from the teenager's body. Severus' eyes widened as the clothes on his image's body began to disappear. He quickly dislodged himself from Harry's mind not wanting to see any more of the boy's fantasy.

\- - - - -

Harry felt Snape pushing into his mind, past his usual memories of Snape and somehow hitting exactly what he didn't want the man to see, his dreams. He felt Snape poke into the memory, but he was helpless to do anything. Having been frozen in place by shock, all he could do was watch the dream replay as Snape viewed it. Harry cringed as he saw the scene play before his eyes, feeling Snape's own eyes on the events too, scouring the images with his dark raking eyes, leaving Harry feeling violated, almost as if the professor had mentally raped him.

All of a sudden he felt a surge in force rush from his mind and through his body, knocking him backwards several feet into a table along the wall. Harry's arms flailed behind him, trying to stop his backward descent. After a moment they connected with something, something large and heavy and wet. He finally lost his balance and landed on the ground, pulling the object with him, completely unaware of what he had knocked over.

\- - - - -

Snape watched as Harry flew backwards into his pensieve, knocking it over. The entire scene played before him slowly, taking an eternity to complete itself. In addition, Snape's motions to stop what was going to happen seemed to take even longer. He ran as fast as he could across the room to stop the pensieve from spilling its dangerous memories around the room for all to see, but of course, he was too late. Snape watched in horror as memory after memory began to slip out of the pensieve in silky silver strands and replay themselves as hazy scenes around the room.

He quickly grabbed the pensieve from Harry's hands and placed it safely on the table once more before turning to the dozens of memories floating around the room. He pulled out his wand and began pulling them in one by one and depositing them back in the pensieve. He grabbed a memory of a death eater's meeting, one where he was mercilessly tortured for information about Harry, and another where he was speaking with Albus about who knows what. He pulled several in quick succession into the pensieve before turning to the last one. He watched, completely horror-struck by what he saw.

He watched as a foggy duplicate of himself walked up to a likeness of Harry Potter, taking the boy into a warm embrace and a slow kiss. His duplicate then began to pull off the clothes of the boy wonder, kissing each part of the teen's anatomy as it was revealed. Snape watched, gaping, as the scene was replayed full size before his eyes, realizing all too late that Harry was there watching it too. Snape whipped his wand out hastily, touching the memory and placing it to his temple so it wouldn't be seen by the boy again. _So much for caution,_ Snape thought to himself, _The boy still managed to see that lurid display._ Snape only managed a quick glance at Harry, noticing the wide-eyed look he was being given at the moment. "Potter, take a seat," Snape snapped, heading back to his own seat behind his imposing desk, the distance between him and Harry making him feel a bit safer.

\- - - - -

Harry's mind almost couldn't process what he had just seen. Snape touching him, kissing him, seducing him in a memory that wasn't his own. He was more than shocked by what was revealed to him and somewhat reluctant to believe what he saw to have come from the mind of the bitter looking man behind the desk. Harry slowly climbed to his feet, his mind reeling from the images still playing before his eyes, and staggered over to the chair set opposite Snape.

After several moments of avoided eye contact and twisted fingers, Harry finally glanced up at his professor. The man, Harry saw, had his hands to his temples and his eyes squeezed shut. "Professor?" Harry asked timidly, wondering if he should even begin to speak to the man behind the desk.

Snape's black eyes flashed open, a picture of anger, worry, and frustration. "Yes, Mr. Potter?" He asked tersely, his emotions coming through in his voice.

Harry chewed on his lip nervously, wondering if he should even attempt to ask Snape what had immediately popped into his mind. "Well," he stalled, a case of nerves suddenly plaguing him, "I was wondering about what I saw. Me and you. That was your memory… Right?" He looked up at Snape, his green eyes searching the depths of Snape's black ones.

He flinched as Snape's eyes suddenly grew very cold and the man's expression was laced with more anger than worry or frustration. "What you saw was no concern of yours and it would be best left forgotten," came Snape's short reply.

"But, sir," Harry pushed, wanting to know more, "I was in it; I think I deserve some explanation."

"Well you think too much," Snape spat out at Harry, the anger mounting in his voice. "You have no place questioning me on what you saw. So like I said before, Mr. Potter, drop it, otherwise you'll face detention with Filch." Harry could see the muscles twitch around Snape's eyes from all the tension he was putting on the man.

Harry clenched his jaw at Snape's outburst. He felt he had a right to know what was going on in the man's head, especially if it involved him. Harry thought for a moment, his eyes watching Snape once again massaging his temples. If he was going to get detention for speaking up, he may as well do it right. Harry stood up from his chair and leaned across Snape's desk, practically daring the man to take a swing at him. "Admit it, Professor," Harry said, seething with resentment, "You dream about me, just like I dream about you. I know you saw my dreams in my head, that's why this happened. And you're just afraid to admit that you really do see me as something other than your student." Harry felt the fury bubbling underneath the surface of his words, the emotion in his sentences leaving his cheeks tinged crimson.

Snape jumped from his seat and leaned towards Harry, across the desk, his face only centimeters away. "I will admit no such thing, Mr. Potter. And you are out of line in suggesting I do anything of the sort. You've just earned yourself a weeks worth of detention and fifty points from Gryffindor. One more outburst from you and you'll wish you never stepped foot in my classroom."

Harry steeled himself for Snape's words and as he spoke them, Harry was only hit with dull shock at what he said. Snape hadn't moved yet, Harry realized, and being this close to the man was almost unnerving, yet somehow exciting. Harry toyed with the idea of running his fingers through the potion master's greasy hair and slowly running his tongue along the man's lips. And before Harry had thought another moment on it, he found himself leaning farther into the desk, his lips brushing across Snape's, sending shivers down his spine. He had dreamed about that moment for the past few months and for it to suddenly happen was exhilarating. He pulled back only slightly, slowly opening his eyes. He was shocked to see the look in Snape's wasn't what he had expected. Instead of anger, Harry saw something of a calm and contemplative look, almost like Snape had enjoyed the moment and was thinking on it. Before he could be stopped, Harry leaned back into Snape and let his lips meet Snape's. He felt no resistance again and after a moment, he realized that Snape was kissing him back.

\- - - - -

Snape's eyes widened as Harry came at him with his accusations, the words hitting too close to home for Snape's comfort. He quickly lashed back at Harry with his own set of threats and angry words and an instant later he was being kissed by the object of his dreams. And what frightened Snape wasn't the kissing itself; it was that he wasn't resisting Harry's attempts. Instead, he was working with him, guiding the boy's lips with his own, tasting Harry's lips and enjoying every moment of it. Without realizing it, he was swept off into a whole other world of warmth and pleasure that he hadn't opened for himself in too many years. And in that world, he had committed the one indiscretion that he had promised himself he wouldn't allow to happen. He had let Harry Potter get under his skin.

Snape's senses hit him suddenly, minutes too late, he backed away from the boy, his eyes wide with fury and fear that the boy could have that kind of affect on him. "What?" The words coming from his mouth were near silent, overpowered by the fear of what he had done. And for the moment Snape was speechless. Quickly enough, he gained his senses and instead of relaying his fear and shock to the boy, he felt it easier to turn those feelings into a pure rage. Not only because of what happened with the kiss, but because now his most secretive memory against Harry had been revealed. He felt the pressure building beneath the surface as the words sprung to his lips, "Fifty points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter!" He sputtered, "And if you ever repeat this to a living soul, it'll be another hundred!"

\- - - - -

Harry just blinked, full of shock from what he heard come from Snape's mouth. For a moment there, he believed that Severus Snape was actually enjoying their kiss. Actually, for that moment, he knew that Snape was enjoying it. That in fact, the potions master, not just the one from his dreams, the real Severus Snape, had exactly the same feelings for Harry. Somehow he wasn't shocked by the revelations in the kiss, but by the reaction from the man before him. After such a feeling between the two, the last thing Harry had expected was the outburst that Snape came back at him with.

His shock quickly turned to hurt and then to anger as he realized what had happened. He stood up from the desk and started around it. "Fifty points?" Harry asked, his voice rising above Snape's, "For what? Kissing you? What's wrong with that?" His anger rose with every question he spouted. He could actually see Snape flinch every time he ended a question. After a moments silence without an answer, Harry began once again, his voice quieter than before, his tone accusing, "You're afraid aren't you?" He asked the man who seemed to have a loss for words. "Afraid to let anybody in. Afraid you might actually like me." By the time Harry was finished with his accusations, he and Snape were standing behind the desk, glaring at each other.

\- - - - -

Snape clenched his jaw, fighting with the voices raging in his head. Some voices screaming, _Curse the boy! Show him who's in charge!_ Other voices, less energetic ones, were yelling for him to give in to Harry. _Touch the boy, kiss him, hold him,_ they were saying. Snape shook his head at the arguments flaring in his mind. He glanced up from his inner turmoil to look at Harry, seeing the uncertainty suddenly floating across his brilliant green eyes and infiltrating his adolescent features. Snape's features hardened, seeing that, realizing that he had to take hold and fight back. He thought out his words before speaking, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. After a moment he finally spoke. "No, Mr. Potter," he spoke evenly, his tone nothing more than conversational, "I fear nothing. Least of all issues that concern you." He nodded as he spoke, mainly to assure himself that what he said was true. "It's a shame your thick headedness doesn't help you through your Occlumency lesson, Mr. Potter, for it's doing wonders here." Snape glared down at Harry, daring the boy to speak, and from the look in his eyes, Snape knew he was in for another barrage of threats.

\- - - - -

Harry held in a frustrated scream as Snape batted down his accusations as if they were offhand threats. Harry had seen through Snape's own masquerade, if only the man would acknowledge that he did. He stepped closer to Snape, feeling the fabric of the man's clothing against his own. He kept his face turned down for a moment, examining the way Snape's robes seemed to almost wrap around Harry too, curling around his ankles, as if it were pulling him closer. He raised his eyes a little higher, over the man's rising and falling chest to the small black buttons at the neckline of his shirt. Harry took a deep breath before finally raising his head to look the man straight in the eyes. He held back a flinch of fear as he saw the coldness in the depths of Snape's black eyes, telling himself that the coldness was put on, that he was right. Harry stared back at Snape for a moment before he spoke, "Liar," he breathed the word out, filling it with all the frustration and anger he had been feeling since Snape last spoke.

He watched as Snape's glare faltered for a moment and his breathing sped up, Snape quickly recovered, but Harry had seen it, the uncertainty, and he pounced. "You enjoyed that kiss. Admit it," Harry started, his voice low and demanding, forcing Snape to strain to hear the words escaping the boy's lips. "That was your dream about me in the pensieve. Your dream that you didn't want me to see. Why didn't you want me to see it, Professor? Were you afraid that it might actually come true?"

"No, Mr. Potter. You are mistaken. What you saw isn't...what you think it is," Snape stammered out, visibly shaken from Harry's accusations.

He saw the sweat beading on Snape's brow, he knew he was pushing the man to admit things he wasn't ready to, but Harry needed to know, he needed Snape to say the words. "Were you afraid to realize that I'm not a boy anymore? Afraid that I might actually want you in return?" Harry slid his feet forward again, their bodies were touching now, chest to chest, Harry could feel every breath Snape took, he could feel the steady, heavy heartbeat betraying Snape's attempt at a calm exterior.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter," Snape stammered out, his façade faltering, "And if you keep it up, it'll be another week's worth of detention."

Harry shrugged, "What's another week? It'll be over soon enough." He watched the sweat beads begin to trickle down Snape's forehead, down past his hooked nose, over his sallow skin, before disappearing into his buttoned neckline. "So what is it Professor?" Harry asked, silently pleading with the gods that Snape wouldn't distance himself again. "What don't you want me to know?"

\- - - - -

Snape's breath hitched as he felt Harry's breath slide over his neck, where the sweat from his face had run, sending chills down his spine. He wasn't sure he could take another minute in this room; the walls appeared to be converging suddenly, pushing him closer and closer to the boy in front of him. He could feel every inch of Harry's body pressed up against him and it wasn't going without notice in his own body. Snape felt the beginnings of desire swirling up in his abdomen, striving to make itself known. As Snape tried to ignore that, he was finding it harder to ignore the accusing green eyes before him.

Snape closed his eyes for a moment, trying to clear his mind of his thoughts, of the accusing look from Harry. But the darkness only made him more keenly aware of his surroundings, of the other body leaning into his, causing that unwanted desire to make itself more known. He could feel the familiar tug below his navel, causing his eyes to fly open in a panic, trying to find a distraction, an outlet, anything. What he saw was Harry. Green eyes, glasses, pink lips, tanned skin, blasted scar. The accusing glare was slowly disappearing, Snape realized, it was quickly being replaced by the accompanying look to the feelings in his stomach. Snape tried to turn it off, hide what he saw, what he was feeling, but that only seemed to make the feelings more persistent. "F-fifteen points from Gryffindor," Snape managed to say, his voice barely a whisper. He saw the look in Harry's eyes though, the boy didn't care. Snape could take every point from Gryffindor and it wouldn't affect Harry, he realized. He opened his mouth to say something else, to add a contradicting voice to the situation, but was stopped by the warmth of another mouth.

Snape felt his resolve break then. His need for contact made itself fiercely known and Snape reached over to the boy, running his fingers through Harry's thick black hair, his other hand reaching for the small of the boy's back, pulling him closer, feeling Harry's own need through his jeans. He felt the urgency with which he was being kissed and tried to match it with his own lips. He felt Harry run a light finger down his spine, causing a shiver to run down it, seemingly going straight to his groin. He continued to kiss the boy, forgetting all matters of decorum, lost in the fulfillment of his own desires. He slid his tongue out, running it along Harry's soft lips which parted slightly at the touch. Snape began to delve into the boy's mouth with his tongue while his hands worked their way over Harry's slim frame. He ran his fingers up Harry's shirt over the ridge of his spine, and around his waist to settle on the boy's hips, hovering just over the waist of his jeans. He could feel Harry's hands working similarly to his own on his body, causing his need for contact to multiply. Snape pulled Harry's hips against his own body roughly, an urgency for the sensations that came from their bodies rubbing together rising painfully in his own body. "P-potter," he whispered the name into the boy's mouth, the syllables sounding faintly odd to his ear.

"Harry," came the whispered reply.

"Harry," Snape repeated the name, a feeling of rightness washing over him as he continued to kiss, stroke, and rub his hands, lips, and body over Harry's.

\- - - - -

Harry was lost in a wave of desire and need that he never knew before as he kissed and allowed himself to be kissed by Snape. He could feel the man's hands running over his body, leaving ghostly traces of excitement wherever they touched. He never felt so strongly about another person as he felt about Snape at this moment. It could've been his thirst for contact making him feel that way, but he didn't care, all he wanted at the moment was Snape. He wanted Snape's hands and lips and body. And he wanted them all over him.

After several minutes the exquisite touch stopped, Snape's hands resting on his hips, and the lips left his. Harry opened his eyes to look into the face of the man before him. Snape's dark eyes were no longer cold and threatening. Their black depths suddenly portrayed a warmth and flood of emotions that Harry had never seen in them before. He realized suddenly that he really could get lost in the depths of those eyes. "Professor?" He asked quietly, it felt wrong to raise his voice any higher.

He heard a snort of laughter come from the Potions Master.

Harry looked up at the man, a quizzical expression on his face, "Sir?"

\- - - - -

Snape shook his head, out of place laughter threatening to take over his voice. "Professor hardly seems the correct name for me at the moment, doesn't it Harry?" Snape asked, his voice only hinting at the cold tones of earlier. He was still reeling from what happened. He had kissed the boy not once, but three times tonight and that last one had been pretty much exhilarating. If a man could tell who he belonged with from a kiss, Snape was sure that the kiss they shared was the proving point. It just felt so right to his body, his desires, despite every ethical part of his mind telling him it was completely and utterly wrong. He glanced into Harry's face, calm and contemplative while he patiently waited for Snape to finish talking. "Severus, if you will," Snape finally said, adding before Harry could speak it, "But if I so much as hear one Sev or Sevvie escape your lips, you will face much worse than a week of detention with Filch."

"Severus," he heard Harry say the name quietly, getting a feel for it on his lips, learning the syllables. The boy finally looked up at Snape after a moment, a mischievous smile spreading across his face. "I was right."

Snape's eyes widened as Harry spoke. "Were you?" He followed Harry's eyes as the boy looked downwards, his face suddenly tinted crimson. Snape smirked. "So you were. Don't think you'll be making this a habit."

"Sir? Er, Severus," Harry asked, looking curiously at Snape.

"I'll not be made a fool by a 16 year old boy on any occasion. This is the first and the last time you'll be able to utter the words 'I was right,' to me. Like I said, you won't be making this a habit." Snape narrowed his eyes at Harry who tried to hide the beginnings of a smile behind his lips.

"Yes, Sev."

"10 points from Gryffindor, _Mr. Potter_."


End file.
